Here's the unvarnished truth. Kids with "special needs" have the same need for autonomy and connection (aka "attachment") that typically developing kids do.
Let me say that more bluntly.
Kids diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, learning disabilities, and other developmental challenges have the same needs for "attachment" that their typically developing peers do. They just may be expressing those needs differently.
That means, they need caregivers to have a much more detailed understanding of their developmental profile (strengths and needs across all developmental areas - sensory, motor, cognitive, verbal, social, and emotional) in order to engage and respond in ways that come across as equally strong (so they know you can protect them), clear (so they are not confused) and kind (so they know you really do care). All in - so they can feel truly safe.
After all, if your child has developmental coordination disorder and cannot tie their own shoelaces, they need you to express a high level of confidence in their ability to learn this skill (to support their need for autonomy), while having a deep level of empathy for just how difficult it is (addressing their need for emotional connection).
A child with attention difficulties needs you to have confidence in their ability to achieve whatever they set their mind to (autonomy) while having deep level of empathy for just how hard they have to work to stay focused on their goal (emotional connection).
And you need to be able to communicate these important things to them in a clear, concise way that they can understand.
And what do you need in order to do that (beyond a good diagnosis and some best practices to help them learn skills)?
You need to be kind and gentle with yourself first in order to be able to help your children. You need to have compassion for yourself in order to be strong, clear and kind - in equal measure - with your children (with or without special needs) so they feel safe and loved.